I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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