Old men and throwing up are my life now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
