quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
