Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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