Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
