his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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