He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
