my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
