Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
