just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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