I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
