oh god the rape fog is back!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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