my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
