her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
