If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
