just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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