I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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