Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
