Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
