i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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