no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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