I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
