wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize