it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
