I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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