Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't deserve a penis
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
