New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
