I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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