tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
