dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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