Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
