I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
