**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
