so explain again why im purple
no
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
