I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
