guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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