Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
is that a dick in a sweater?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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