Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
