found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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