Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
