I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
