my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
