go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
