haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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