I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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