Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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