Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
