it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
