She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
