I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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