If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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