I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
