Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
