dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
