My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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