I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
