What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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