i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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