And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
