I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
soo... how was my night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
