remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
