Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
