I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
