giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
