i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We got so high we made milksteak
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
