Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
