its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Who wears a wallet chain?!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
