I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
