I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
