this beer tastes like vomit already
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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