he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
