Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
