Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just forgot I was standing up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
