Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
