I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
