His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
