how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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