just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
