The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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