I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
