Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
