Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
