Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
